Today Was a Day of Days

I really don’t know what or how to tell this story, so I’m just going to begin.

My wife and I recently joined a small group at our church and started building connections with others who are—just like us—trying to walk toward Christ, hoping to catch up and keep pace with Him.

I met a guy in that group who struck me as a bit odd at first—he just seemed so joyful all the time. It wasn’t off-putting, just unexpected. I figured he must have a lot going right in his life.

Anyway, I was at church a couple of weeks ago, and I’d been feeling pretty rough all morning. I chalked it up to sleeping wrong again. After the service, I was lagging behind my wife and stopped to chat with Ty about his guitar playing. I didn’t even know he played, and I wanted to tell him how much I liked the guitar and how great he sounded.

Ty was friendly and appreciative. And then—I felt this pull on my shoulder. No one was behind me. But I saw the joyful guy from my small group walking toward me. I politely excused myself from the conversation with Ty, stepped over, and reached out to do the quick bro-hug-handshake thing guys do.

But when I went in for that hug, I suddenly felt I needed to hug him differently—like a long, deep hug, the kind you’d give your mom after being away a long time.

So there we were, full-on hugging, and I just told him, “Bro, I don’t know why, but I felt like I needed to hug you.” He held on tight and said, “Bro, you have no idea how bad I needed this.”

We let go a moment later, and I told him I was there for him—that whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.

As many of you know, my wife and I are planning to head to Scotland for a couple of years to support a church and its surrounding community. I leave this Sunday for a one-week mission trip to the town that will soon become our home.

It’s just a week—but it’s been years since I’ve had to leave my family behind to go do a job.

To be honest, over the past couple of months, even as we’ve been praying, I’ve been on the fence. I told myself I’d go on this week-long trip, check it out, and then decide if this is really happening. I’ve been operating at 95%—almost fully committed to moving to Scotland.

Yeah, I’ve been packing things slowly over the last few weeks, praying that God would send me a sign that this is the path He wants me to walk. I’ve been asking Him to lead, guide, and direct me—to place me where He wants me for His glory.

That’s been my prayer since 2018, when I returned to the cross.

A lot has changed since then—situations, people, the world… but not God. He is the same loving, caring, merciful Father He has always been. It’s always been His plan to get me to this point. And after today, I heard Him loud and clear.

Earlier this afternoon, I cleaned out my closet. Packed clothes for storage. Filled a donation bag. Set aside what I planned to take with me. Packed two bankers’ boxes and stacked them in the corner. I’ll move them to the attic once I have a few more ready.

I broke for lunch and sat down at my computer to check email and work on the website. That’s when I got a message from the guy—the one I hugged at church.

It was a long message, explaining everything he’d been going through in just the past few days. I won’t share all the details, but it was sheer brokenness—marriage struggles, financial hardship, fear of losing a loved one.

But that’s not where the message ended.

He went on to say that his loved one was awake, his marriage was on the mend, his finances were turning around—and that the hug I gave him was more needed than I could have possibly known.

Then he said something that stopped me in my tracks:

“The devil was speaking to me... I was experiencing suicidal ideation.”

And then—I hugged him.

My response wasn’t difficult to write:

“Keep your chin up. Lead from the front and be the light. No matter the darkness, Christ is the way, so trust in Him. And when you give it to Him, let Him keep it. Love you, bro.”

His final message to me:

“Love you too, man. And you keep listening and following Him. You have no idea how God used you in that vital moment.”

I stood up from my desk, walked into my bedroom, and dropped to my knees beside the bed. I prayed. I cried. And I prayed some more.

Once again, I asked:

“Put me where You need me to be. If this is what You want from me, let me know—and I will go.”

As I ended my prayer, my watch dinged.

It was a notification from the Bible app.

I pulled out my phone, put on my glasses, and tapped the banner. The verse of the day lit up the screen:

“Again he said, ‘Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I am sending you.’”
—John 20:21

I took a screenshot. Took a deep breath. And I answered Him.

“So then I will go.”

Trusting His lead,
Calen