The One Where Grace Meets Burnout
If you had told little Candice, dirty, determined, dragging around wounds too big for her age, that one day she’d grow up to be a stalwart defender of her own children, she wouldn’t have doubted you for a second. She wouldn’t have been surprised.
Because even then, I knew what it felt like to be unprotected.
To be left exposed.
To be hurt by people who should have been the safest.
So now? I guard my kids like a lioness.
I guard others, too, especially the underdogs, the overlooked, the wounded.
I step in fast. I speak up loud. I hold lines and I hold grudges. I burn bridges when I see self-serving behavior threaten the peace. And I do it all in the name of justice, of righteousness, of protection.
But if I’m honest?
Sometimes I scorch more than I save.
The Exhaustion of Being “The One Who Does It All”
Somewhere along the line, my protective instincts tangled with my need to earn love.
I don’t know if it was from years of trying to be “good enough” to be wanted…
Or trying to do more so people wouldn’t walk away…
But I became the over-functioner. The fixer. The one who carries more than my portion.
I’ve spent years exhausting myself trying to out-love people’s brokenness.
Trying to love them into healing.
Trying to carry the weight of other people’s redemption.
And when they didn’t change? When they kept hurting themselves or others?
I flipped to scorched earth.
No grace. No second chances. Just ash and silence.
I told myself I was protecting the peace.
But deep down, I was trying to control what only God can fix.
Ezekiel 36:26 – “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you...”
This was never my job. Only God has the authority and power to transform a heart. I was trying to do holy work with human tools.
The Gentle Rebuke That Changed Me
Lately, Scripture has been both a mirror and a balm.
I found myself Googling things like:
Are we supposed to sit by when someone is sinning on purpose?
Does God call us to give endless grace to people who keep hurting others?
What does it really mean to not cast pearls before swine?
And through every passage, every nudge, I started to realize:
I was trying to do God's job.
I thought holding people accountable meant changing them.
I thought grace meant never drawing boundaries.
I thought calling people out was righteousness, when really… sometimes it was pride.
Matthew 7:6 – “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.”
This wasn’t about being cold-hearted. It was about discernment. God doesn't ask me to give myself endlessly to those who reject the sacred.
God has gently, patiently pulled me back.
He’s reminded me that accountability belongs to Him.
That I can walk in truth without wielding it like a weapon.
That my job is not to force transformation but to stay surrendered.
Romans 14:12 – “So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.”
It's not my responsibility to micromanage someone else's spiritual growth. I can speak truth but the accountability is vertical, not mine to enforce.
Resting in the One Who Sees
I used to think resting meant letting people get away with bad behavior.
Now I know that resting in God means trusting Him to be Judge and Redeemer.
It doesn’t mean I don’t speak truth.
It doesn’t mean I don’t protect.
But it does mean I no longer have to perform for love…or fight for peace like it’s all on my shoulders.
Matthew 11:28-30 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest... For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
When I stopped trying to be everything for everyone, I found the rest Jesus promised. The peace that comes when we surrender striving.
I’m allowed to walk away without burning everything down.
I’m allowed to love without losing myself.
And I’m allowed to stop trying to be everyone’s rescue plan.
What I Know Now
God never asked me to be everyone's savior.
He only asked me to be obedient.
To walk in love.
To speak with gentleness.
To trust Him to do what only He can do in someone else’s heart.
And when I finally understood that?
I felt the weight start to lift.
So if you’re tired of carrying too much, of defending too hard, of loving in a way that drains you dry,
I see you.
And I want to tell you what God is telling me:
You can rest.
You’re not the answer.
You’re just the one He loves.
– Candice, Defender in Recovery, Safe in Grace
